I've been doing a series of rituals over the past week that have ended up becoming more and more like personal diagnosis-and-healing sessions. The phrase "facing your own demons" or similar notions come to mind. It's something that my HGA had been nudging me towards doing for some time, but admittedly I had gotten myself so caught up in all these other social, academic, and magical-related endeavors that it essentially flew over my head—it was a divination reading from my teacher that got me thinking about the idea again. Without getting unnecessarily too deep into the details, this inner-and-outer working has turned out to be a lot more nuanced and complicated than I originally conceived of it being, and as have the benefits of undergoing it.
But above all the process has been a slow one. Every layer that gets unfolded is on its own a gradual step. I've never had an issue of immersing myself into something slowly—I enjoy taking my time and delving into things thoroughly—but this has been "slow" in a different sense of the word, more about me moving slowly or gradually on my own as opposed to me experiencing something slowly or gradually. I've learned a lot from mediating with my Mantis spirit, but even more so from meditating with myself—in all the various strange and murky ways the self's multiplicity can manifest.
This will probably take the rest of the month, and that's fine. I'm happy with myself, where I am, and where I'm going. And I'm so very honoured to be with the spirits of my court—frankly since the St. Cyprian novena and workings I've never felt safer and more trusting and warm in their presences.